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Bring it on......... [Mar. 12th, 2007|01:43 pm]
<(@_@)> I'm supa dupa fresh<(@_@)>
[Current Mood |sillysilly]
[Current Music |Steal My Sunshine; Len]

I'm sexy, I'm cute,
I'm popular to boot.
I'm bitchin', great hair,
The boys all love to stare,
I'm wanted, I'm hot,
I'm everything you're not,
I'm pretty, I'm cool,
I dominate the school,
Who am I? Just guess,
Guys wanna touch my chest,
I'm rockin', I smile,
And many think I'm vile,
I'm flyin', I jump,
You can look but don't you hump, WOO!
I'm major, I roar,
I swear I'm not a whore,
We cheer and we lead,
We act like we're on speed,
Hate us 'cause we're beautiful,
Well we don't like you either,
We're cheerleaders,
We are cheerleaders.

I forgot how much I liked bring it on in high school until I came across this.....................AH THE MEMORIES ;)
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death........ [Jan. 20th, 2007|12:26 am]
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[Current Mood |exanimateexanimate]
[Current Music |Moonlight Sonata; Beethoven]

My friend's Mom just died and I just feel so bad for him , he seems to be taking it well but I dunno I just feel weird and sad because I can just imagine my mom dying and the pain I would feel. Life is just so precious but sometimes it's not our life that we value its sometimes the life of others that we must value. I love my mom with passion and we've both made mistakes in our relationship but sometimes you can never imagine the burden and sorrow that would come with either of our deaths. Sometimes I just hate death because it robs you of a person whose life is full of complexities, it robs you of a lifelong connection with someone, and it robs them of their connection of you. How Ironic is it that life is suppose be cruel, but death is suppose to be liberating, irony indeed.
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Once you go white........ [Nov. 9th, 2006|11:12 pm]
<(@_@)> I'm supa dupa fresh<(@_@)>
[Current Mood |contentcontent]
[Current Music |Hurt; Christina Aquleria]

Ok I've always been very attracted to guys of all races, but lately I've been watching a lot of white porn and damn it I've just been having strong feelings for white men. I dunno maybe it's the fact that white porn has better production, direction, and the actors more unrestrained but black porn doesn't seem to give me the same sensation it once did. I totally find my self now looking at white guys and wanting to date one, which I never saw as a problem before its just that now it seems to be more dominant than my feelings for my fellow black males. God I even looked at Kevin Federline and wanted to tear him up, how sad.
Also, I'm not normally a Christina Aguleria fan, I know she can sing but I rarely listen to her music because I don't like her songs as much but the song Hurt by far is her best song and it has been on repeat on my computer since I've heard it.... GO CHRISTINA its about damn time!

Life & school:
I've been doing absolutely nothing since moving to California, but I have found a Community College to go to up here so hopefully next semester I will be able to enroll and attend it. Sadly though I might have to pay a higher fee since I am considered to be an out of resident student, hopefully I get financial Aid and it covers it or else I won't be going.
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Then and Now [Oct. 7th, 2006|10:03 pm]
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[Current Mood |nostalgicnostalgic]
[Current Music |Back down memory lane; Minnie Ripperton]

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before? move out and try to make it on my own (and fail miserably)

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't make resolutions

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? NO

4. Did anyone close to you die? YES.........

5. What countries did you visit? None

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? Happiness

7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? August 10, 2005....see #4

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Maintaing a job for 6 months (yeah moi)

9. What was your biggest failure? Moving out

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No, and I hope none in the future

11. What was the best thing you bought? A car but technically that was 2005 (but sadly it broke down)

12. Was it worth it? although it did break down 8 months later, YES!

and 13?

14. Where did most of your money go? LOL my car, food, maintaining proverty.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Nothing that I can think of

16. What song will always remind you of 2005? If only you knew, KeKe Wyatt's version (I can't stand patty labelles version)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

Happier or sadder? the same
Older or wiser? Older
Thinner or fatter? fatter
Richer or poorer? poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? exercising

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? sleeping and eating

20. How will you be spending Christmas? doing nothing

21. How will you be spending New Years? Nothing

22. Did you fall in love in 2005? Probably not..........maybe?

23 What is your favorite Band? The Spice Girls

24. What was your favorite TV program? Veronica Mars (the most underrated program on TV)

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No.....but I'm still upset at the person who robbed me at gun point

26. What was the best book you read? LOL....this is so sad I haven't read a book in a while

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Nelly Furtado's folklore CD

28. What did you want and get? A car

29. What did you want and not get? A new Ipod

30. What was your favorite film of this year? X-MEN the last stand

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 20, working while my pants were ripped

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? a win on a Lottery ticket

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? LOL, I dont care about clothes that much, for now!

34. What kept you sane? Music and television

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? None really

36. What political issue stirred you the most? Gay Marriage

37. Who did you miss the most? My dead friend from #4

38. Who was the best new person you met? Veronica, she made my days at work fun (hell she even got me the job)

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:

It hurts to love people, and it hurts even more to love yourself espically when you think no one else loves you

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"I dont wanna go traveling down
Faster than the speed of sound
Back down memory lane
Be still my foolish heart
Dont let this feelin start
Back down memory lane
I dont wanna go... save me save me"

back down memory lane; Minnie Ripperton
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I wanna be somebody else.......... [May. 1st, 2006|11:46 am]
<(@_@)> I'm supa dupa fresh<(@_@)>
[Current Mood |draineddrained]
[Current Music |Don't let me get me; Pink]

OMG I'm just in so much emotional distress right now. I decided to move back home with my mom which is a good thing, because I just couldn't stand getting robbed anymore. My car radio was stolen the day before I moved back in with my mom, I wasn't surprised because my window was out but hey things like that do happen in that appartment complex. My mom came back in town recently and she got my brakes fixed, bought me a new dirvers window and some new tires, which is a good thing. But this weekend my battery died on me and she is out of town and I had to call in for work (which is something I hate doing, It always makes me feel guilty) I tried to be independant and not call my mom because she has already spent so much time and money on me, so I called my dad and tried to get him to help me but sadly he had no money, but he did take me to an autostore to have my battery checked out which is good. Sadly since my father didn't have anymoney I had to go to my mom and ask for the money, which she agreed to giving to me through western union. I feel so guilty asking for money esp. after all she has done. On top of that I am badly in debt, I can not afford to pay off my credit card that is severly over drafted,which is a VERY bad thing. It seems like with every paycheck I get I am not able to buy anything it all just gets used up and I end up borke again in days. On top if this this semester I have been failing badly, I just got out of a lab practical in bio, and omg I know I failed it badly, and as far as spanish I think I'd be lucky to come out with a D becuase right now I havn't passed a single test as of yet. I just want to cry because this semester has been the worst one ever. During the summer I'm just gonna work and try to get out of some of this debt and try to get in a better mindstate for next semester. Life is so unfair.........
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Robbed at gunpoint........ [Mar. 3rd, 2006|03:38 pm]
<(@_@)> I'm supa dupa fresh<(@_@)>
[Current Mood |enragedenraged]
[Current Music |NO MUSIC.......]

Today I was fucking robbed at gunpoint, and my computer, my phone, my Ipod, and my wallet were taking from me. I mean OMG you guys, you do not know the feeling of someone holding a gun to your head saying that we should kill this nigga, and having to wonder whether or not you are going to live or die. I mean OMG, I just can't put into words how the ignorance of triffling niggers make me feel. AND NOT ONLY that but I was almost killed over something that I am so against. When the guy was on top of me I was like I don't have any money but there is a safe in the closet, and so they were like NIGGA WE KNOW THAT, so this leads me to believe that these guys knew that my roomate holds his sisters drug money, and that because of this ghetto ass shit, I was almost killed. I HATE DRUGS AND DRUG DEALERS and this is why. I mean I am just so PISSED, how can this shit happen, I moved away from my mom's home to go through this type of shit, I mean omg I cant believe that shit happened to me. I'm just so broken right now, BTW I'm at the library, a place I will be at for a long time, because I just can't even go back home now.
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Pessimisticly optimistic........ [Feb. 22nd, 2006|04:44 pm]
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[Current Mood |worriedworried]
[Current Music |All cried out; Allure]

I hate the weather in Texas, like one days it's hot then the next it's cold then it's back again. It can be so annoying. I have got to start reading more so if there is anyone out there with any books to recommend please tell me (not that anyone reads this anyways) because I really want to get into the groove of reading. I so can't wait for the summer to come it should be a lot better for me than previous years, if I get my want and get into this summer research program at a local College.

These past weeks of living without my mom have been some of the worse weeks in my life in recent memory, but I will say that I have learned that I can survive through alot. First I my start off by saying that I can't stand ignorant people who try to get by life without working and thwart the efforts of law abiding individuals such as myself. last week or so someone broke into my car and tried to steal my radio, I was so pissed. They didn't even get my radio and being that I am flat broke, this threw a major obstacle in my road to happiness. I'm broke (-35 dollars in my banking account) and for someone to do some shit like that makes me fucking angry, I mean shit im no richer then they are and for them to target me because I have something remotely nice is just absurd. I've been looking for a job for the past month or so and I got two interviews at Dillards but they have not called me back since then. Then I got one interview tomorrow at this call center place that sells houses. My friend from my biology class got me that interview, AND I AM SO GRATEFUL THAT SHE DID THAT. Hopefully I can get this job so that I can get the window fixed on my car because I need it in this cold/rainy weahter. THEN on top of all that, my car ran out of gas, so now my rommie has been taking me to school and stuff. He's gonna get me some gas so that I can use my car but he's been a little bust with his new job that pays 11.80 DOLLARS AN HOUR, THAT BITCH j/p.

OMG bestfriend/rommie is such a whore he has slept with like 3 guys that I know and im like THE FUCK. I mean he's my bestfriend and all but he just isn't all that attractive to me, I guess it must be the dick. He's cool and all but I just can't believe that people are actually that consumed with sex that they will sleep around so much, I hope I never get like that when I start having sex. I finally told him I'm gay, It was kinda funny he was shocked but at the same time he already knew (I am a little flamboyant). I also told this one lesbian girl too and she was like "BOY I knew that". It was so funny, so now im officially out to 2 people YEAH. My roomie has also been stressing over this one guy he worked with that he's sprung over. The guy is supposdly straight, but I dont believe so. He's really cute but, he knows my roomie is BI because of me. We went to his old job and it was my first time meeting him and I was a little flamboyant and the guy thought that I was gay and therefore thought my rommie was, and asked him. They are still friends though, which is weird because he still acts the same way around my roomie. I honestly believe that he likes my roomie, but I don't know it wouldn't make a good relationship because he is too ghetto and thuggish and my roomie can do much better (well as far as personality goes he can do much better, not as far as looks).

OH god this semester is gonna suck, its weird seeing youself go down in a backwards spiral intellectualy. Im doing good in my BIO II class as expected but not as well in my other classes. I made an a on my last test which is good but i BADLY want to make above a 100 so that I can have bragging rights. Although im not strongly attracted to girls there is this one hispanic girl in that class who is so cute to me, she has the cuttest accent and she's really smart; she made a 109 on the last test. I dont know what's happening to me, AM I LIKING A GIRL, EWWWW NASTY. In my micro class I barely study and that is so sad, espically since it's my intended focus when I trasfer. I know I totally bombed the last test which is a shame, I really need to start studying. In Spanish it's the same way I never study and you can totally see it in my grades and on top of that I missed the past 4 daily quizzes. I really need to buckle down and study for this next test in her class I can't afford to fail a class. I haven't yet and I refuse to now. No crushes this semester, where are all the cute guys at!!!!
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You live you learn, You love you learn, You loose you learn, You grieve you learn [Jan. 16th, 2006|02:20 pm]
<(@_@)> I'm supa dupa fresh<(@_@)>
[Current Mood |stressedstressed]
[Current Music |You learn; Alanis Morisette]

The title of this journal is taken from "You Learn" by Alanis Morisette. These four lines of that song somehow manage to hold true to life.

I don't know if this is just me but it seems like I'm unintentionly making gay friends. Im totally not setting out to make gay friends but recently it seems like I somehow end up making gay friends or friends I have known for years are comming out to me. A friend of mine who I've known for like 6 years revealed to me he was bi-sexual I was like O_O , I honestly didn't believe him. I couldn't believe I never cought on to him being bi-sexual. He asked me if I were gay and I told him no, but I will admit maybe I should tell him because I was angry that he kept that secret from me for that long but I guess I've been doing the same thing so I'm a hypocrite.

I have a new computer, so umm yeah I will be posting entries again YEAH!!!!

I guess I've basically gotten over the death of my friend (as much as possible) but it's weird because everytime something happens that I know he would find funny he's not here to tell it to but I can still imagine what he would say. I guess its true love can touch you once and last for a lifetime, how weird I never really imagined my self as an overly sympathetic person but I guess I am.

Me and my mom got into an argument over the phone and like she kind of kicked me out, so now im living with my friend. She said that I could come back but honestly I don't want to because I'm tired of being told what to do and being controlled and never feeling like I'm not good enough. She can be such a bitch and I'm tired of her making a big deal about nothing among other things, and also trying to control my life. I just hope that I can make it on my own, becuase now im really nervous about whats to come.

I have a new car it's A 96 ford mustang, its cool looking but I realize that I'm not a good driver at night time so I've been avoiding driving at night time. I have so many responsibilities now that I'm no longer at home, maybe I'll finally grow up and mature. Who knows this moving out thig could be the best thing for me.

Although I have enough credits to graduate and transfer to another college, I decided to stay so that I could take out a loan and get a car and a computer. Hopefully I will get accepted into a nice college so that I can graduate. I think I have officially given up my dreams of being rich, life is hard I think I'm gonna have to settle.
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dying to TYPE! [Jul. 19th, 2005|12:23 pm]
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[Current Mood |aggravatedaggravated]
[Current Music |Turn it up; Chamillionaire]

My comp is in the fucking shop and so im am fucking reduced to using the school computer to surf around online like a simpleton (like asmart people actually use school computers to surf around on the net). The stupid bastards at fry's electronics said my computer will be in the shop for like 10 weeks so well 2 down and basically 8 more to go. Im gonna call them early to see if they have finished but I doubt these idiots have even started working on it. My comp totally crashed and I finally got the operating system working but all of my info got deleted, thankfully I have the majority of my music and "videos" (wink wink you know the kind of videos) on my I-Pod so Im not hurt as much but there is still stuff that I want back. I sent my computer to the shop because it kept turning off when I had my A/c adapter plugged into it but if I ran it entirley on battery power it would load up all the way (what a gip, I thought notebook computers would last forever). It feels strange to not be able to download the latest songs onto my ipod or not visit websites that I routinely visit before I go to bed (not neccesarily x-rated you perverts). I can't wait untill I get my comp. back you guy's dont know how much it is apart of my life.
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Is anyone ever gonna turn my black roses red? [Jun. 28th, 2005|01:41 pm]
<(@_@)> I'm supa dupa fresh<(@_@)>
[Current Mood |lonelylonely]
[Current Music |Black Roses Red; Alana Grace]

Artist: Alana Grace
Song: Black Roses Red

Can I ask you a question please
Promise you won't laugh at me
Honestly I'm standing here
Afraid I'll be betrayed.
As twisted as it seems, I only fear love when it's in my dreams
So let the morning light come in and let the darkness fade away
Can you turn my black roses red?
Can you turn my black roses red?

Drowning in my loneliness
How long must I hold my breath
So much emptiness inside I could fill the deepest sea
I reach to the sky as the moon looks on
One last year has come and gonne
It's time to let your love rain down on me

Can you turn my black roses red? (x3)
I'm feelin like I'll blame it on love (x6)

Can you turn my black roses red? (x3)
Cuz I'm feelin like I'll blame in on love
I'm feeling like I'll blame it on love (until fades)

This song and It's lyrics totally describe how I feel. Everytime I hear this song I just feel Like I can relate to what she's talking about, I wish I had someone to turn my black roses red.
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